Because I am clearly a genius who should always come up with every idea ever

I've finally figured it out.

It's been staring me in the face this whole time. I can't believe it's taken me this long to realise. Where, oh where, has this little thought been? Well, it doesn't matter now, because here it is for all the world to see.

Are you ready? You may want to hold on to your ears, Buster-style, for this.






They should serve milkshakes at bars.






YES! My brilliance is only overshadowed by the amazingness of milkshakes, and my ability to make up non-existing words.

I have the small problem of being a non-drinker (first world problem, right?), surrounded by a social culture built on meeting at bars and pubs and going for drinks and celebrating with drinks and unwinding on Friday nights with drinks and ohmygodisthereanythingadultsdonotcelebratewithdrinks?

I don't mind it, honestly, cos I'm a control freak so getting drunk is not high on my list of fun things. Much like rollercoasters. Plus most alcohol tastes funky, with the exception of white wine that has tinges of passionfruit. Nom. But my body and my tastebuds are in agreement, and my body merrily rejects any alcohol wafted its way.

So I'm cool with water and soft drinks and juice. They get a little old after awhile though, and I find myself sitting at bars with groups of friends, watching them have lots of fancy drinks, and feeling sad and left out. There's only so much soft drink and juice you can have in one night, people! My endless search for non-alcoholic cocktails is, at best, disappointing. And most bartenders aren't too fond of sticking teeny umbrellas in a glass of iced water. Trust me, I've asked.

But then, a few nights ago, in the middle of watching a play that had nothing to do with this topic, it struck me.

Why not combine bars with milkshake bars?

I'm telling you, it would be amazing. All of us teetotallers would have fancy flavours and combinations and low-fat and soy and smoothies and milk - the list is endless! They could even have a juice bar! And everyone who does drink alcohol could add alcohol to milky/fruity goodness!

And the best bit? Swirly straws.

YES.

I mean, it's gonna lead to a fair bit of unhealthiness and weight gain, but WHO CARES? Worth. It.

Thus, I conclude that I am a genius, and you all shall worship me and my marvellousness.

Cheers, big-ears.

*sips from giant swirly straw*